Feeling pretty good on the way to belly dance class tonight I made the mistake of intonizandoesta cancion del amor de mi vida (y el boricua negro MAS BELLO de to'l mundo-might I add). And while I usually hit the zone while singing this song to the TOP of my lungs, the resonance it had with my heart was at an octave that I usually don't take the time to listen to very much. It's the same chord that is struck when you look in the mirror towel drying your hair and you see your abuela in your cachetes. Yes, it's the same one that rings clear when you see la mirada dura de tu pae in your own ojitos as you frustratingly examine the chichas that always appear in the wrong places at the wrong time of the month and take their time marchandose no matter how many dance classes a day you take. It's the same note that you hear when your niece who was born with the famous family caracter gives you a look of defiance they said YOU used to give people........... and you let her give it to you because the last thing you will ever let yourself do is clip her pretty little wings................. This is the note, the octave, the chord of truth and realization that TRULY what we have is what we have asked for-or in my case, ORDERED of the universe.
In my case, my truth is that I've always put my freedom at a higher premium than any relationship. Up until recently my vision of freedom sat in stark oposiciona what I thought a loving relationship could only look like for me (basically someone trying to tell me what to do and constantly trying to clip my pretty wings). Never could conceive of a nuturing love affair w a man who could have the capacity to respect my need to be libreeeeeeeeeeeeee. Hasta hace poco. Y ya ese conflicto de intereses lo tengo resuelto. Acepto que donde estoy es donde le dije al universo que me hubicara. Y ya es tiempo de mirar hacia otro horizonte.
Enter the real epiphany of the night:
Now this one, I gotta say, me tumbo....................... But, again as I was belting out in my most angelic of voices this, one of my fav's from Alicia Keys, it HIT me! I THINK I WANT/AM BUILT FOR/NEED A KINDA DIFFICULT MAN. When the thought hit me I immediately went through my rolodex of relationship history and quickly realized that the dudes who were on the not-so-peligroso side were the ones I was BORED TO TEARS WITH and the ones I tolerated until they ended up asking me if I liked them anymore. Psshhh, but the ones who had a 'tude, a chip, an unresolved issue-which they were clearly aware of and struggling in their own ways to overcome-were the ones I was most attracted to. Not talking addictions, here, but just plain humanness. These men had a realness that entailed a vulnerability that I clearly find irresistible. I think I love a man who needs a little work. I gotta say that I had a conversation with a man today who was giving me advice in another arena and I started to chide him on the appearance of his tough exterior. Of course I made him try to convince me of how nice he really is (just to f_ck with him, porque soy mujer y PUEDO), pero la sangana fui yo que horas mas tarde soy YO la que esta pensando en EL. And the reason for that, this song provided.
I believe that whether on the frontside (before we were born) or on the flipside (during this, our earthly experience) we've told the universe numerous times what to deliver to our front doorsteps in a myriad of ways. Sometimes it takes some of us longer to understand just what we've ordered than others. But I think I understand my order and why I've been served up what I have been.............. And now I how to recognize what the goddess in me is saying she came here to handle.
It'll be interesting to see how right this spiritual self-assesment turns out to be, but I think what the Divine in me has always wanted and needed is a man w a little bit of an edge who needs una mujer de hierro to lock all his secrets up in her heart ofgold.
"nosotros nacimos de la noche, en ella vivimos, moriremos en ella. Pero la luz será mañana para los más, para todos aquellos que hoy lloran la noche, para quienes se niega el día. Para todos la luz para todos todo. Para nosotros la dignidad insurrecta, para nosotros el futuro negado, para nosotros nada" Lest we fail to understand & acknowledge Ali's dark night........ I'm here to remind....
Tonight I told a beloved amiga that all things would work out for her good because she is called according and submitted to her Divine purpose. Happy thought-Aren't we all promised that much? That things will work out for the good of those who are llamados segun Su proposito?
In the cruel wake of the AZ massacre, lied-about cross-hairs, and the colossal foul-up of the intended shaming behind the usage of the term "blood libel", I can't help but feel like no one outside of my very brown twittershere is talking about the particular calling Gabrielle Giffords was answering when God, Himself was put in a position to make good on His promise-to make ALL THINGS work together for this woman who was ALSO moving according to a purpose. Has anyone in your twittersphere raised cane about that calling? Chances are if you are one of my blog-followers, then, si...... Se ha alzado la voz grandemente -como diria mi prima. But if you are new here, chances are the info you've received has only danced around this purpose. Que pena. Y que falta de respeto, y horrible homenaje al legado vivo de la Congresista Giffords..........
Folks, it's plain and simple. But let me shock, rather than ease you down the path of understanding what we're really talking about here. See here this comment-submitted by an impassioned, and in my eyes VERY CORRECT Facebook friend of another impassioned and, in my eyes, also always VERY CORRECT Facebook friend of my own, during the POTUS' speech tonight in Tuscon:
"You can't talk against hatred and violence, when you are the U.S. president who has deported more Brown indigenous families than any other president in history, or when you promote laws intended to racial profiling." Carlos A Quiroz
If you need proof, allow me: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/07/us/07immig.html, http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/18/opinion/18wed3.html
The truth of the matter is that the Congresswoman was hurt and six others killed because of her dedication to the plight of her brethren of the darker hue. She fought for immigrants(http://t.co/2rld0HO). And she almost died for them. And now that just tonight not only did she give another squeeze of her husband's hand, but so also did she open her eyes, I've got Sign ENOUGH that God is INTENT upon keeping His Word to make all THESE things SOMEHOW work out for the good of this lady......... who is called according to His purpose...............
But I am reading this BOOK, see-that talks about he inter-connectedness of all of mankind to SOME traceable degree. And not only does just the first chapter convince me of the UNDOUBTED influence over Loughner's behavior Ms. BL, with her sanctimonious self, had, but it also leaves me with a question on my heart that only the Lord can answer................
If Giffords' getting her stuff worked out, because she's called according to this purpose, and this PARTICULAR purpose for which she was targeted WOULD NOT EXIST if it weren't for undocumented residents like Ali, then doesn't that mean that by just being who he is and traversing the path that was laid out for him, through no choice of his own............... that's he and the millions like him are ALSO called to the flipside of he same purpose Giffords is? And doesn't that mean God HAS to help my muchacho??????? Doesn't it????? Things have to work.........
..............out...........,, para su bien (yes, God, right? My boy counts, too!?)...................
.........porque el TAMBIEN tiene un proposito....... He DOES, God!! You'll find it on the dirty side of the coin they will mint one day with Giffords' face on it...........
"sometimes you may have to cry...". Yep, tonight would be that night........ tu sabes por que, Papa....
"and sometimes, you may have to walk alone" thanks to immigration law that's EXACTLY what it is for MILLIONS like my Ali.
*disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to the Jewish community by speaking of Blood Libel, nor do I mean any disrespect toward Congresswoman Giffords in my attempt to draw a correlation between her and the community she serves.
